Humbled Heart.

Harbin, China 2013 

    China. Honestly, it's not some place that would first come to mind as a place I would want to visit. Never would I have thought China would be the first country to visit out of America. I really feel that God has changed my heart so much in just two weeks. This whole trip in general has been an eye-opener for me. How did someone like me end up going to China? Looking back, I don't regret my decision on going and I am truly thankful that God has given me this opportunity for me to go on this trip. Deciding to go on this trip in the first place was a hard one. Almost having to go by myself to a foreign country and not only that, but my first time out of this country to a place I don't even know the language of? How crazy. I just wondered "God, why now? Why by myself...I can't handle this on my own..." I was scared even thinking of going by myself. Making a decision, I decided on not going if I had to go by myself. Because...that was just not something I could handle. But that night, as I was preparing for my Sunday School Bible study, I was reading on Matthew & the story of the disciples. Funny thing is, this story had to do with the faith of the disciples and God saying "go and make disciples of all nations" and "do not fear for I will be with you, always." I felt like God was speaking to me through this message. It was crazy.
         "Therefore, go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this; I am with you always, even to the end of the age." (Matthew 28: 19-20) 
   I felt like He was telling me to go to China and as a disciple of God, go and make disciples and do not fear because He will be with me. That night was when my mind completely changed and I was set on going. Whether or not someone came with me. The next day, I told my mom about my decision and what caused it to change. At church I told my decision and after saying I will go, I was told I wouldn't be going by myself. I was relieved, everything had worked out. Even though I wasn't going by myself, I was proud of myself for trusting God and taking that leap of faith to go by myself. Knowing me, that's  a decision I would have never made before. And so the journey begins...
   Arriving in China...was one big culture shock. The smell, the people, the atmosphere, the weather, the cultural differences, the food, the crazy driving, the honking, the scary street crossing, the list can go on. It was something I would have to live with for the next two weeks. Arriving there I didn't know what to expect, but it was definitely a new experience. The people I worked with, the kids I met...it was all such a blessing. Although I enjoyed my time there, there were a few things that took time getting used to. The public showers, no clean water, no toilet paper, no napkins, etc. I really feel like God made me feel thankful for all these simple things and He really humbled my heart. The culture there was so different from California it made me realize how much we take things for granted. The simplest thing like toilet paper, we take for granted. The children were such a blessing. Even the ones that didn't listen and never paid attention were lovable. What I felt after the camp was over was, "Wow, even with the language barrier I was able to show them love." I feel like God really worked through me those two weeks and even with a language barrier, I was able to show them a part of God's love for us. I hope that I was able to show them even a tiny bit of what God's love feels to us. Even if I couldn't speak Chinese, I was able to communicate to them through body language and through my emotions towards them. It's so crazy how God works through us.
    This whole trip really humbled me and I really felt a love from this place that I haven't felt before here. I didn't think I would end up crying saying bye to the children, but not knowing when I would be able to see them again made me sad. Also, meeting other Christians from different parts of the world was another experience as well. I felt like we all came as one to serve one purpose and show love to these children. It was also a blessing that those people were around my age. I was able to experience community in China. I really learned a lot from them and it was crazy how we were all able to work together without any trouble.
  Another thing, through this trip I became thankful for being able to live in a country with freedom of religion. It definitely made me thankful for being able to sing praise songs or talk about God anywhere in America. Just being able to praise God and being able to shout out "Lord, my God, I love you" is such a blessing.
  The things I experienced and the relationships I made from this trip is such a blessing and an experience I truly won't forget. Coming from California, my spiritual life was becoming dry and I was stressed out about teaching and I just wanted to get the two weeks in China over with. Leaving China, I left with a feeling of sadness feeling that two weeks was too short and that I have to come back one day. God really changed my heart and I feel like He really let me have a breather and see the other side of the world for a bit. There's so much to say from this trip, but in all, God really uses those who are weak to spread His love & glory and He humbles the hearts of those who take things for granted.